Dreaming with reality
Sunday, November 10, 2013 ( 12:20 am )

That dream life:
Where I live happily ever after, have unlimited access to the people and things I love, where its sunny but not too hot and when it rains it leaves a double rainbow behind. And in that life I manage to blow all my troubles away. And in that life I get to express myself well, adding on courage and confidence every time. Where I can stand tall and protect those little creatures from harm. And not drop a single tear of fear and anxiety. Where I manage to make all who I care about feel happy, helping them manage their worries, pushing those worries aside as if they were dried leaves in the autumn.

But here comes the real life:
I dont know if I can live happily ever after, but I do know that I wont live forever but will live the after. Access to the people and things I love will not always be available, but Allah swt will always be available for me. When it gets too hot I faint but then it rains heavily and I get cold. But i get a drink when im thirsty and put on a jacket when im freezing. I cant blow all my troubles away nor push aside any worries because they're not light weighted, but I have two hands to bring together to make du'a. I fail multiple times to truly express myself verbally, and im afraid that if I dont do it, it will get bottled up inside. But then I try to write it out, play it out, laugh it off, or doodle it away while I get there. To some I am big, to some I am small. But i am too clumsy at times and cant handle the fragility. But there it is inside me. And if it breaks, what am I to do? To survive I will do anything. But anything cant always help me to survive. But I will try and try and try. Even if the sharp edges fron the broken pieces are painful. This baggage over my shoulders is much to heavy sometimes.  Though I dont always know what to say, I will sometimes know what to feel. And I will feel what you feel. And if its happiness that you feel, then it is happiness that i will feel. As there's always a way when there's a will.

And I put it in my will to write this, to compensate a part that's hard to express with basic terms and straight forward sentences.

Indeed that is me.

May Allah bless us all and give us strength and patience to get through the trials and tribulations we face. Amin.

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