You're all the way there, I'm all the way here
Monday, July 30, 2012 ( 1:50 am )


Have you ever owned a snow globe? You know, the object that comes in small to large sizes with various figurees in it that people get at the local gift shop when they don't know what else to get for Teacher's Day or their little sister's birthday. Well yes, that. A snow globe. Simple concept, that snow globe is. You just shake shake shake it, put on a flat surface immediately and just watch the snow fall on the little penguin with a red and white striped scarf protected in the glassed globe. People can actually enjoy doing that. I don't know how, pft I don't even know why. But some people just like it. And I respect that. Though some just like to make it as an interior decoration for the living room where it is placed on a antique, wooden, glassed-door cabinet. Hooray for them.

What can you do with a snow globe? Well, imagine, there you are just observing it from outside the globe(duhh). Well ofcourse there is no way that you can possibly get in there. Unless ofcourse.. you break the glass, but then there wouldn't be a point anymore because you just ruined the whole purpose of the snow globe. So there you are, looking at it, just looking at the snow falling on to the bottom surface and on to the little penguin's head. The snow gets to fall on to the penguin, the penguin gets to feel the snow. Hooray for them! They seem happy about it. What about you there? The one observing from outside? Are you happy about it? Don't you just wish that you could be in there with the penguin, inside the globe without having to throw the whole thing against the wall to break the glass? You wish you could throw snowballs at the penguin and enjoy the snow together. And probably wipe off the excess snow on his head which could make him cold(if it were to be real snow, ofcourse). But there is just no way in. And will there ever be a way in? Even if there were to be a way in, would the penguin mind you being in there with him? The barrier seems so solid, as if you are not allowed to be near the penguin at all. But here's the thing, you don't really know what the penguin wants because he's all the way in there and you're all the way out here. Will you still find a way in? And what have you got to lose?

You want to show that you care about a person. Because you just really, really care about him/her, it's hard to pretend that you don't. But, you don't know how to because it is as if all you can do is just look from a far and hope that he/she calls out your name and asks for your care. But would that ever happen? Would that ever happen if you don't try to show it first? But what is there to do? What is there to do.. You're all the way here, and the person is all the way there. You don't know what's going on in his/her mind, but you don't know how to ask as well. You are at a point where you hope that you could do something, but you just don't want to ruin things. Even if you give your special care tips, does he/she really want to hear it from you? Even if you give your comforting words, does he/she really want it coming from you? You wanna be there for that person so bad. Because you just care too much. And you feel as if it is a discomfort to you watching it from a far like that. Like its aching at the back of your head. You want to be able to feel free to show that you care, but worries are flooding your heart, worries of being a nuissance. It's hard. It's just hard. How can you express yourself and what is the right way to do it? And it's even harder seeing that person happily having attention from others but you. Ofcourse you wanna be there, but you just feel as if you don't have a right to do so because.. Just exactly who are you to them right now? Who are you..? Who am I?

Man, losing a best friend sucks. Losing the person you always talk to, losing the person you always cry for help, losing the shoulder you always cry on, losing the place of comfort, it sucks. And sometimes, it's not always about yourself. You'd miss caring for someone, too. You'd miss being important to someone. You'd miss being a support system to someone. You'd miss making someone laugh. You'd miss being needed. You'd miss being the shoulder to cry on. Yes, I miss all of that crapola. I never thought it would be this hard, Ya Allah. You know when two people have been really in love, it feels as if your feelings are communicating with each other when you're all silent in reality. But.. Whitney Houston did say in How Will I Know, "don't trust your feelings". When will I ever learn how to quit and leave it be? You're supposed to be strong, silly! But I believe,

"So verily with every hardship there is ease"
(Surah Inshirah 94:5)

The truth is.. I'm just afraid. I'm afraid that my presence is not wanted. Then I keep that fear with me here and I go all shaky. Well, my heart goes all shaky. I mean, that's what it feels like. Macam vibrate pula. Pelik. They didn't teach me anything on that in Anatomy & Physiology, or Psychology. But yeah. I don't feel that there is a point in trying to talk to you, or trying to comfort you, if you don't want it from me. I just don't know where I stand anymore. And I'd probably make things worse if I tried. I'm well aware of the situation. And I understand. But knowing me, degil at times, kan? Yes, I'm actually talking to a person indirectly via this post. Strange, as I don't usually do it here. But, yeah.. I'll just.. leave everything as it is. Wow, this is really hard. Oh, dear.

Oh, and the other truth is, I just can't seem to get my hands off the keyboard can I. But hear this amigos, even if I am good at writing stuff or absolutely nonsense, I know what I mean and only God and I know how sincere I am with it. Words aren't always just words. Talk is cheap, and action speak louder than words, but no one said anything about typing.. As far as I'm concern. Hah!

I'm ending this post with a sigh. With an even heavier sigh because I had to type this twice as my laptop died and I wrote it in Notepad first. Why didn't I write it in Word instead? Haihhhhhh. I'm gonna go borrow Harry Potter's firebolt now and visit The Lost Boys of Neverland. Goodnight, guys. Have a pleasant dream. So long, farewell!

'Even if you don't love me today, I'm happy that you had loved me yesterday"-Anonymous.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012 ( 9:11 pm )

Alhamdulillah, I am done with my second semester in my degree.
Alhamdulillah, I had managed to sit for all the examination for all the papers this semester.
Alhamdulillah, I had survived the difficulties and the strains of studying these heavy, heavy subjects/courses.
Alhamdulillah, for being able to learn from such experienced people.
Alhamdulillah, for all the knowledge that I have gained, and will gain.
Alhamdulillah, for the good health that accompanied me through out my examination week.
Alhamdulillah, for the good health I have been given by my Creator.
Alhamdulillah, for the times I recovered from my illness.
Alhamdulillah, for all the good food that I had eaten.
Alhamdulillah, for all the food, though not delicious, but fullfilling my satiety and good enough to give me energy.
Alhamdulillah, for all the joy and happiness that has been brought in my life.
Alhamdulillah, for all the people who brought, and still bring joy and happiness to my life.
Alhamdulillah, for all the sad and upsetting moments that has taught me to be happier.
Alhamdulillah, for all the people that had made me sad and upset, whom indirectly had made me happier.
Alhamdulillah, for all the people who made, or even attempted to make me happier and save me from my sadness and sorrows.
Alhamdulillah, for all the hardship I had faced that has taught me the meaning of life.
Alhamdulillah, for all the tests that has taught me to be patient.
Alhamdulillah, for all the times Allah had answered my prayers.
Alhamdulillah, for all the times He made me learn patience while delaying in answering my prayers.
Alhamdulillah, for all the times though He did not answer my prayer, He instead gave me something better.
Alhamdulillah, for all the times He had with me, listened to me, hear my thoughts, hear my heart, hear my gratefulness and my sorrows.
Alhamdulillah, for all the things I have done right.
Alhamdulillah, for all the times He saved me from doing something wrong.
Alhamdulillah, for all the mistakes I have made, that has taught me to do things right.
Alhamdulillah, for all the good things I have heard.
Alhamdulillah, for being born in a supportive, loving and awesome family.
Alhamdulillah, for all the people I have met in life.
Alhamdulillah, for all the people that had made me a better person.
Alhamdulillah, for all the friends that have cared, loved and supported me even during my lowest.
Alhamdulillah, for all the kind people that accept me and my flaws as it is.
Alhamdulillah, for all the love and care He has given to me.
Alhamdulillah, for all the love and care others have given to me.
Alhamdulillah, for all the love and care I am able to give to others.
Alhamdulillah, for still being able to breathe at this very moment.
Alhamdulillah, for the good changes that occur in life.
Alhamdulillah, for the chances that has been given in life.
Alhamdulillah, for all the things that has happened that made me who I am today.
Alhamdulillah, for all the things that won't fit in this post.
Alhamdulillah, my blog is 6 years old now.
Alhamdulillah, someone is reading this(I'm pretty sure someone is).
All praises to Allah.
Thank you, Allah,
For every single thing that
You have written for me.

Don't forget to be thankful, even for the little things. For the little things always matter. And it is He whom had made everything happen, as we only plan. Why not make a list too, you know, to appreciate life better. *wink*
May we all be blessed by Him, insyaAllah!
Til then, have a happy Ramadhan, amigos.

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