Nu Flavor
Thursday, June 30, 2011 ( 1:43 am )

First things first. Salam and Good evening to my amigos. Como estas? :D Can't get enough of Spanish yet so please, hang in there for just abit more people muchas gracias. Since my boyfriend has already fallen asleep, I shall talk to you then... whoever you are(just so you know, Nu Flavor is a boy band). As you can see I gots me self a nu look here! Likin' it? Yes? No? Nyeh nyeh whatever. I like it. It's simple. It's very me. And now I can finally post big fat photos and don't have to resize them that much. Very VERY satisfying. Yum :) Started the makeover at about 9-ish pm and I've just finished. Yeay me. I thank God for the existence of Photoshop. Worked my ass off here! So.. yeah hope everyone likes it as much as I do.

It's almost 2am and I should sleep soon. But I would just like to take this grand opportunity to wish my eldest brother, Fazly Jermadi a very Happy Birthday. Congrats brothah, you are 30! I do miss blowing out the candles for you. I hope that Ibu and I could bring you cake soon. 'Cause that would be lovely jubly for my Fazzy Wazzy. I must say when he was a baby he was the cutest baby alive. I'd say the cutest out of us four. And yet he is the special one. Everyone loves you, Abali. We all miss you. Especially Bapak I suppose. Anyhoo, Happy 30th! Lotsa love, ADIK. <3 :)

Hi Hello Howdy Hola
Monday, June 27, 2011 ( 2:43 pm )

originally uploaded by srhbth.

Hola Amigos!

Now I haven't a clue of what has gotten into me but I can't seem to get the spanish out of me. No not as in the people, but the language. I don't even know it. Basically just picked it up from here and there and mix it all together and voila! You get me. Si si. :D

Anyhoo that is not the hot topic for today. Actually I don't think there is a hot topic for today. I'm not really bothered to post this on Innit. But I just might change my mind later so please! Do not judge me yet. Here I am typing away about something I'm not even sure of what I want to type but I'll type it out anyway and then this will allow me to get a very long, non-interesting sentence which will add to the juice that will allow my post to appear longer. FUH. That ladies and gentlemen, is a non-sense sentence. Superb.

Anyhoo again, my parents are off to Kuantan for a week so this means I get the house all to myself. Too bad I don't fancy wild parties and sleepovers the kind Blair Waldorf would throw. 'Cause this would be one heck of a chance to do it, no? Nevertheless, I have decided to make this an opportunity to fast. This means, do good and save money all in one. Thank you for blessing me Allah :)

I don't really think anyone would read this, but if you are, then.. Hi, thank you for sparing some time for this random person's little-but-not-so-little thoughts from some place called Penang. This is not really one of my most interesting posts, so if you want to skip reading below, I won't be offended. Nevertheless, I think the only person I know of who walks in and out of The Real Life regularly would be my boyfriend. So Hi awak. :) And probably a bunch of others, too. Show yourself if you please! But thank you anyway to those who've been such a dear reading this, following me, and kind enough to leave comments. You are awesome. Like, Ken Wooi for instance. Hi Ken :)

Oh look I've just spent half a post saying Hi. I'll say Hi again. Hi. Hello. Howdy. Hola. Forgive me amigos, for something just came into my mind and its about to come out from my fingertips right now. Did you read the post on making a mistake a posted last week that came along with a photo of a cute little pink bear? Oh wait it's just down below. :D You see, since we are all human, and we all come from Adam and Eve, we are much are alike in a way. Mistakes are one thing in common. Definitely. I'm not here to talk about mistakes again though. I'm here to tell you, that it's okay to do something to keep yourself happy. Like distancing yourself from the people you love or love you, just because there's some sort of unresolved issue in your head. It's okay. Many people do it. I do it sometimes. But that isn't an excuse to shut out the people who care. That is not an excuse to make people feel bad. That is not an excuse to say horrible, horrible things to the world, either. Man up and tell it to the face if you please. Telling it to the world, will just make things worse. Unless you're seeking help and advice, do the right thing. I must say it bothers me to know things like this. And if there was anything that I could do or say, I would definitely do or say it. But for now, I can just hope and pray that everything gets better for everyone in the world and let nature take its course. Open your eyes, people. Open it and see who is really there. But honestly, if someone shuts me out, sooner or later I shut them out too. Yikes :/

Oh, and may I just say that I am very happy with how things are going right now. I got my second chance. And I am very thankful for it. I've gotten second chances before, but they weren't that obvious or not as moving as this one was for me. I lived in the deepest Valley of Nothing. And now I have moved up to the Mountains of Everything. Everything matters now. Everything that's happening. Every single step of my life, every choice that I had made, making and will make matters. It pretty much reflects who you are. It pretty much leads you to some place I do not know where but somewhere. Somewhere, amigos. And somewhere is good. Somewhere could be the best place on Earth where you get the chance to feel the best feeling ever. This is something to me. And I am still sort of in disbelief. But then again, THIS IS THE REAL LIFE! How dare I not believe what's real. That's like an insult to my own blog. You know what I mean? On top of that, I love this feeling. It feels good to get another chance with that one person you wish-you-had-the-chance-with-again-but-you-thought-you-didn't. As for now, this will be the smile I wear on my face everyday, insyaAllah. I hope that things go smoothly as I don't wanna ruin anything anymore(I think I've mentioned that loads of times before I should pretty much find another word for it). I will most definitely put all my will into making this worth giving, worth living, and worth everything. I am most very very thankful, alhamdulillah.

Chances that family, friends, loved ones give you, are just too precious to not handle with care. If any of you get an opportunity of this kind, cherish it. And to those that don't believe in it, believe in the real life. It brings you chances in all sorts of forms it could just come under your nose and you won't even notice. The next thing you know, you're happy. And that's what matters. :)

Make a mistake
Monday, June 20, 2011 ( 3:05 pm )

This whole week, beginning from Sunday until Saturday, was one hell of a week. At first I thought I shouldn't blog about it, as I don't really know how to put in words. And I still don't, unfortunately. But I'll just let all you amigos know how I've felt and what I've learnt.

First things first, EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. I do it all the time, there's no need of embarassment here. But just because everyone does it all the time, doesn't mean it's always good. "Making a Mistake" I shall say can be made appropriate for all occasions. It applies to the situation itself and it may give a positive or negative impact, so to speak.

1. Make a mistake.
2. It's never done on purpose.
3. Realise the mistake.
4. Learn from it.
5. Get yourself forgiven.
6. Don't do it again!
Line playing on repeat inside head: I'm glad I did that. :)

1. Make a mistake.
2. Done with intentions of fury but also for self-satisfactory at the time being.
3. Realise the mistake.
4. Hurt someone.
5. Regret it.
6. Don't do it again!
Line playing on repeat inside head: I wish I'd never done that. :(

People of the world, what I'm trying to say here is, mistakes could be good, it could also be bad. But what can we do about it? I've made a mistake and I wish I've never done. But what exactly have I learnt here? Those good mistakes, oh they will remain good for the rest of your lives. That horrible HORRIBLE mistake, no doubt it haunts you like a ghost in an old mansion. But as I never endlessly believe, even at the peak of times I am in grief, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Sooner or later, that bad mistake you've made, will be the best mistake you've ever made. And it will somehow transform into the good type, insyaAllah. It may not apply to all, but it does apply to the latest mistake that I have made. You see amigos, at one point, I have said things I didn't mean. And there I go nagging about words aren't just words. But the nagging? TRUTH. But sometimes saying things we don't mean? Also, TRUTH. When you're in a different state of emotion, a negative one, your heart does all the talking for you. But in reality, you need your brain too. How is it possible to let your heart speak alone? When your heart beats involuntarily? The brain does all the thinking, and the heart does all the beating. And come together, you get rationality.

Two months ago, I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought what I had to say, was the best for everyone. But later on, it kept bugging me. This mistake I had made, which I already knew by then but pretended like nothing's happening, KEPT BUGGING ME. And that caused me a heck lot of confusion. But nevertheless, I knew I had to do something. I couldn't be scared all my life, I couldn't live with this regret all my life. And so I did something about it. I did what I had to do. And I am sorry for all the trouble that I have caused. But if I had just played along, I'm just in a world of make-believe. What I felt, what I made other people feel, it's not as true as I thought it would be. And if I had chose to continue in that make-believe world, I would be lying to God, I would be lying to others, I would be lying to myself.

And so I did do something to make me feel abit better, although I know I had already made a big mess. I can't just walk back into a life I had messed with, no? And I knew that I, too, would not like or know how to react if I was the one walked back into. But I did it anyways. If not I wouldn't be writing this drop dead long post now would I? But obviously this situation is just too inspirational to not write about. ;)

I believe that what I had done was not a simple game of tic tac toe. I had to know how the situation was, even if I did not fancy it(ofcourse I wouldn't, why would I?). I had to prepare myself for the worst, and I had to tell myself a thousand times, DO NOT HOPE. And so I didn't expect anything. It's just that, it sort of went the other way around. Anything expected me. And I absolutely believe that this is all God's doings. He had planned out everything. It felt as if everything was so smooth. It felt as if I could not run away any longer from this weird feeling trapped inside me now. I had made a mistake, and all I wish is that there was something I could do to save whatever good feeling is left. I know that we can never make things like how it was before. And if there wasn't anything I could do at all, I would just have to accept it. But if it seems like there is, but I'm just afraid to say it out loud. But I don't have to be that much afraid. Being afraid right now would be absolutely foolish. Because God knows how I feel. God knows how sincere I am. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. Just something, to someone. It does feel good to "feel good" again. Although I know that there is alot of confusion going around, I just hope things will get sorted out soon enough for the confusion to end and the certainty to come in with pride. I am certain of what I feel. It's just the other half of me isn't. And so I wait. And pray. And leave everything else to God.

But I shall tell you this. At the moment, I am afraid. Who am I kidding? I am afraid of losing what I had lost, again. I'm afraid I am not convincing enough. I like how it is right now, and I am trying to be absolutely careful with my every step. So that, I won't ruin things anymore. But I know that I can't tell a lot about this. And some of you may be still wondering about what I am talking about. Just listen to me, whoever you are. Because I need to talk. This is as far as I can go, so please bear with me. And if any of you know what I am talking about, I'm scared. I'm scared.. But what is life without taking risks? Therefore, I must not let myself down, and must always keep my chin up, no matter what the cause.

I hereby tell myself, and tell you lot out there, if it is real, it will follow me no matter where I go, no matter what I do, no matter how I live. According to Amanda Seyfried, "true love has no expirey date" (something like that). If its real, its worth fighting for. It took me two months to figure that out. I hope any of you don't have to take that long. Because so much could have happen within those two months. Nevertheless, regret is not a valid word in my dictionary therefore I should just continue living and pretend I am not hoping for anything. :D As an optimist, I would say those two months were a great opportunity for me to appreciate someone. It's great to see someone you've missed for so long. It's great to just talk nonsense and laugh your head off with someone you've missed for so long. And that, I have felt, and am so thankful of it, Alhamdulillah. Like one of my Just Quote Mes, I don't need to tell the whole world. If its that special, then it is.

It absolutely depends how you handle it. If its bad, so what? Do something about it if you don't like it! Be alive! Just make yourself happy. You make the call. And God will decide what is best for you.

Adios amigos. :)

p/s: I secretly hope that I don't have to let anyone walk out of my life anymore and don't have to remain as a secret. And if I'm already telling you this, then it's not really "secretly" now is it? LOL. Above that all, I miss you. But I only just met you two days ago. Weird

Mini Warbler: Teenage Dream
Thursday, June 09, 2011 ( 3:16 pm )

Oh look, an Asian Blaine. He's mini as well! Hope he's not gay though. HAHA. Bad Joke. Yeah, I know. :D

Clueless AND Stupid
Wednesday, June 08, 2011 ( 1:15 pm )

Can I just say that I miss someone? But... yea, I do. And I don't know what else to say. And I can only say it here with hopes know one but you lot finds out.


This is weird. I feel clueless AND stupid. And I don't know why this is happening.
Are you listening.... whoever you are?

Above all that I will survive.

When A Time Was Just Once Upon
Tuesday, June 07, 2011 ( 2:59 pm )

Amigos, do you remember that day when you had your first toy? You thought that it was all you need to keep you happy. Then your parents brought you to Toys R Us and suddenly you plead to have that latest action figure 'cause by then you decided that THAT was your whole world and you just HAD TO HAVE IT. Then ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, right?

But then again, here we are, doing the same thing still, without realising it, only it just doesn't involve Barbies and Star Wars. When we were younger, it was just toys. As we grow up, its more than that. When we're older, its way beyond that. Should we blame ourselves or should we just go with the flow? I'm thinking that we should improve every second of it. It's just a lie to be once in love with someone and not thinking he or she is everything and the only one. Because when we're in love, we are. Without a doubt I'd say truth to that. But when things end due to certain circumstances that may differ for each and every one of you, things get out of hand. It can get messy, or it can get even better. Didn't we just thought that they were everything to us? Now that its over, can we live? When this happens, you have a choice. You could: option 1 - hate the person for the rest of your life and not ever speak of him or her again OR option 2 - survive and keep moving forward OR option 3 - you make the call.

Then we meet new people and say that, "scratch that. This is my everything". Don't be ashame of making a mistake. But keep in mind that we all should just go with the flow. Its not that bad. But add a little flavour to it and it gets far better than great. I know that I always say, everything happens for a reason. And yes, it does. And in everything we do, God is there with us. And it could be Him giving us one of His great tests, or it could be Him preparing us for the best, or it could just be abit of both or even more. I simply do not know exactly what it is. But Allah does. He's great and He knows what He's doing.

But please don't forget, we need to go through it, not over it, not under it. As one of His many beautiful creations, we must play our role. Work it, then leave it to Him. Now that is what tawakal is all about.

So amigos, don't you fret! Life has its many turns. I may have fallen in and out of love many times, and I know that I may have been the bad guy sometimes, and I know that I've made promises I could not keep. I also know that I've once felt that everything was everything. But sometimes, it's just something. It's not anything, but it is something, and not your whole life. We make mistakes. I make mistakes. And apologising for it is just not enough sometimes. When God grants you with a second, third, fourth chance, grab it and TRY to make the best out of it. Still not helping? Do something about it, to make you feel better. Just do it.

Another thing ladies and gentlemen, I admit that LOVE is my many favourite topics to talk about here. But please, open your mind, your eyes, and all of your other senses. It doesn't always have to be about a boy and a girl. I've lost friends, I've lost some family members. And if they inspire me, I write and relate. AND THAT'S THAT. :)

"You are everything and everything is you". Love your loved ones as they are. Atleast forgive if you can't forget. Don't hate yourself.


Don't stop laughing.

Til then, ciao :)

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