too skinny. not pretty?
Tuesday, June 02, 2009 ( 9:44 pm )

When I look in the mirror, I kinda hope I see someone pretty. Pretty is fine, I don't expect beautiful, hot or gorgeous or whatsoever. I don't see what others see in me. I have doubts about my looks. That's bad. Rrreealll bad. But, fact is, I just don't see it. I feel like a stick. They say I've got nothing like theirs in front and I definitely don't have anything behind. And it just struck me. Am I not pretty? I have pimples on my forehead, but yeah you can say that's normal. But I get rashes on my face and it's all related to asthma and the hot sun plus my emotions. It sucks so bad. I'm not anorexic but I'm too skinny they say. I google this stuff and I get, "I fucking hate skinny bitches!". Err.. Ouch. I can even be a coward sometimes but I guess that goes with my shyness. Damn it Sya, you have to learn! I have a smartass boyfriend and he is studying right now, and I mean right this second. As in, having a date with revision books during Mid Year break. Rasa sangat tergugat. But what the heck, I love myself. I am my own bestfriend. So, in favour of being mature as possible, I found this on the net:

You Don't Have to Be Pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female".

I'm not saying that you SHOULDN'T be pretty if you want to. (You don't owe UN-prettiness to feminism, in other words.) Pretty is pleasant, and fun, and satisfying, and makes people smile, often even at you. But in the hierarchy of importance, pretty stands several rungs down from happy, is way below healthy, and if done as a penance, or an obligation, can be so far away from independent that you may have to squint really hard to see it in the haze.

But what does you-don't-have-to-be-pretty mean in practical, everyday terms? It means that you don't have to apologize for wearing things that are held to be "unflattering" or "unfashionable" -- especially if, in fact, they make you happy on some level deeper than just being pretty does. So what if your favorite color isn't a "good" color on you? So what if you are "too fat" (by some arbitrary measure) for a sleeveless top? If you are clean, are covered enough to avoid a citation for public indecency, and have bandaged any open wounds, you can wear any color or style you please, if it makes you happy.

..and this :
Beauty or being pretty is a thing of mind. There are some essential features of your body that point to that direction. Beauty is not only about your face or your shape or figure. It includes your brain, how brave, brilliant and bold you are. You will be called anything that you are calling yourself. There are millions of people who will look at you and appreciate you especially when you possess any of the following 6Bs of a real LADY:


Examine yourself very well using all these Bs. If you have any of the 6Bs above, then you have the last B, which is Beauty.

I hope this helps me. But I don't feel a single thing. I hope I will someday. I don't want to be perfect, I just want to feel good. Help? :(

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